The Sky Was Never So Blue (A Monolouge)

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I’d been so used to florescent lights and 8-3′s that I’d forgotten what it felt like to look up.

I’d been in a constant rush and bumping people in halls that I’d forgotten what it felt like to breathe.

‘Till  I left the nest and began to fly…

I was free and free to be me in any way shape or form.

I was alive and alive, not for the very first time, but for real this time.

I touched the clouds with my fingertips and finally saw the sun.

I could see and would be seen; not as a girl but a woman on her to way to make it out there in the world.

Yet still a college girl.

Damn, I’d really forgotten to look up and admire the sky that moved above me.

I’d forgotten how to be free, rather I never knew how…

But now I lay out in green pastures and simply be me. Young, pleasant and free.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to not be told what and when to do things!?! I couldn’t believe my little slice of heaven would be this amazing dream.

I’m alive, sparked to life, I can feel myself taking form. Young, Strong and Free.

And even though the blue sky sings like angels to me I still love to dabble back in my home where I’m never alone and always told what to do becasue I know soon I’ll be free.

I’ll always be free, and that’s good right?

When you’re free but you know where you’ve been and where you belong?

I’ve never seen the sky look like this before. Was it always this blue?

Mine

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I ponder and wander the streets with my palm up waiting for you.

I sulk and hope my heart on my sleeve won’t freeze from the cold.

 

 

Just imagine the sky’s blue and the heart pumping bright blood.

Just lie waiting ’till you bleed out on the grass.

 

 

Wanna patch up what you’ve broken?

Wanna save me from devastation and humiliation?

 

 

Say it aloud so I can know how insides feel.

Say it so i can make the decision to keep waiting or leave.

 

 

You’re beauty illuminates the room, brightens my day but

You’re not reciprocating emotion while mine continue to multiply, so I’ll divide

 

 

Mine. Since yours seem to be nonexistent yet I push against the barrier to fight for what’s

Mine. You’re not mine though, but, my mind thinks so while I still bleed.

 

 

All I’m really asking for is you…

Winter Wonderland

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Snow, why don’t  you.

I suppose that’s fine with me.

Go on, snow, fall majestically onto the concrete

In giant heaps of white blankets

For me to make crappy snow women in.

 

 

Snow, why don’t you.

I don’t mind it when you fall.

You’re beautiful the way you cling to the leaves

Like monkeys in trees.

You leave me breathless with glee.

 

 

Snow, why don’t you.

I enjoy it when you come.

Go on, snow, land soft enough

For me to start a snowball fight.

Crash onto the coats with puffs of cold sugar.

 

 

Snow, why don’t you.

I suppose that’s fine with me.

Your flurries whirl me into a never ending spin

Only to hit cushiony cocaine packets

Rather than grass and tuberoses.

 

 

Snow, why don’t you.

I don’t mind it when you fall.

Go on, snow, just don’t turn bitter

Hard and icy, you make me sad

I’m far too clumsy to play your games.

 

 

Snow, why don’t you.

I enjoy it when you come.

But your lingering drives me insane

Like people who eat KitKats the wrong way.

Please don’t be an ex- boyfriend that won’t go away.

 

 

Snow, why don’t you.

It’s nice of you to stop by.

But overstay your welcome when it’s time to say goodbye.

 I’m a New Yorker, with skyscrapers and taxis

  Your lingering feels like wax, see?

 

 

Snow, why don’t you.

I like it when you fall.

But your eviction notice gives you

No more and no less than 5 days

To say hello and then be gone.

So snow, go on, snow, why don’t you.

Reflection #13

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This weeks theme: College

Hello All,
I’ve been slacking immensely on this blog since I’ve started college, my apologies!  But I’m starting a system so I still publish work and do actual homework at the same time. College is a lot of work so I figured why not write about that! I promise all these pieces of work will not be sad! College is a whole lot of fun. There will be good times, there will be bad but its all in the experience, right?

Anyway, Happy New Years and I hope you all had wonderful holidays!

Toodles!

xoxo Gossip Girl jk lol

“Passion for the finer things, but you know it’s only getting worse. I ain’t got no diamond ring but I know that I’m gunna make it work.”

Honeymoon Avenue

The sunlight dims and beams a bright orange as it sets on the horizon and the swift breeze touches my face. My eyes shut for a moment as if to hold onto the moment with a photographic memory. My mind holds onto this moment; stores it away in our relationship timeline. My eyes open now and there you are, sitting right in front of me on the green grass. Your big brown eyes and smile gleam at me.

“Come on.” You say as you begin to stand.

“Where are you taking me now?” I smile and join you to stand.

“Nowhere.” You say as you held my hands in yours, Anthony, and stood with me and held me close. We Waltz as classic without music playing in the background. We know the steps so I go through the movement just like 11th grade ballroom dance class. Interlocked with one another I feel like my heart is stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.

“How are you?” you ask me.

“How am I?! I’m fine! How are you? You’re here! I thought-“

“I’m always here,” you spin me around “even when I’m not here.”

I feel like I’m under pressure because ei can’t have you the way I want you. We turned holding each other in our eyes gazing into the stars in our eyes. You let go of me and stood with your back to the sun, still smiling at me yet still walking backwards.  We should go back to the way it was. Then a sound, a resounding long beep and bright headlights flare. Too soon before I can react it smashed into him. My heart sinks into the bottom of stomach and hits the ground as his laid still bleeding out. My eyes shut and the river begins to flow. Everything flashes and I turn and feel a cold stone on my fingertips. I open my eyes and I see your grave. We should go to the way we were when we were on Honeymoon Avenue. The sunlight falls behind the horizon and the night sky rises. I can feel the cold dead air brush my face. My eyes shut for a moment as if to hold onto the moment with a photographic memory. My mind holds onto this moment; stores it away in our relationship timeline.

The Streets

Wolves howl at the bright full moon
While tears dry on my cheeks;
Leaving white cocaine lines ,
Puffy red eyes and distorted voice patterns.

Nothing hurts more than losing;
Everything.
Nothing brings back to life like
Drugs.

Everything’s a drug.

Pain no loner exists when the needle
Pierces your skin.
Emancipating your demons from its chains;
I live.

Gambling with life and death,
Xylophones play loudly in my head.
Gay as ever.
Yellow street lights flash.

Life’s a drug.

Then there she goes,
Talking  to me from the crosswalk
Illuminated bright as day
Mommy?

Nothing hurt more than losing
Everything.
Nothing in life matters anymore when you’re
Damaged.

Wolves howl at the bright full moon
While tears dry on my cheeks;
Leaving white cocaine lines ,
Puffy red eyes and distorted voice patterns.

Pain no loner exists when the needle
Pierces your skin.
Emancipating your demons from its chains;
I live.

She.

“When I die I want it to look like I’ve lived.” So we brushed her long dark hair out of the tangled ponytail she laid on. We padded her face with foundation, black eye liner and red lipstick. Her face sparkled like a bundled of rubies in a bag. So we painted and clipped her bare nails. We dressed in her favorite blue dress. Her body lit up like diamonds in the sky. So we lathered her body in shea butter to keep her skin soft. But she kept coughing up blood and losing control of her bladder. She kept crying and saying “I don’t want to die.” She snapped her emotions every 10 minutes from glee to sarcasm to sadness. So we cleaned her up and dressed her again and again, time after time. We showed her the mirror after every reapplication. She wanted to remember herself this way. She wanted us to remember her this way.

“Mateo,” she called out. “My boy, come to me.” Mateo obeyed and knelled by her bed.

“I love you, my boy. Be strong.” As she kissed his head a single tear left his eye and hit his shirt. She smiled gracefully at him. He slumped his head and cried grabbing onto the sheets unable to let go.

“Taylor, my baby,” she called to him with shaking arms. He knelled on the other side of her bed with her hands clasped in between his.

“I love you Taylor, no matter who you decide to be.” As she kissed his forehead a single tear left his eye and hit the bed sheets. He stared at her for a moment with longing in his eyes.

“Alexandria,” she said ever so sweetly. I walked over to the side Mateo had once knelled and sat in the bed next to her, my mother. she wrapped her arms around me.

“I love you sweetheart, don’t ever forget that. But please honey, for the love of God, keep your fingers out of your mouth!” I sobbed and she laughed. Then she sobbed and I laughed. I kissed her forehead as a single tear left her eye and hit her dress.

We stayed there for a moment, Mom and I then dad and Mateo and Taylor joined in on the hug. We snuggled for the last time. Our family snuggled for the last time. Mateo, Trevor, myself and Dad cried and held on for as long as we could to the rock in our lives that began to deteriorate. I felt her heart beat slower and slower then finally stop. We released simultaneously yet slowly and she was gone. Still in the bed with a smile on her face and her hair brushed to perfection and her lips still bright red and her blue dress on and her eye shadow sparkling like diamonds. She looked like she lived a memorable life with that smile on her face. She looked like she lived but she was gone.

Eighteen

The big one, it’s supposed to hit you hard

Like a ton of balloons filled with bricks

Right in the face;

And explode confetti everywhere.

The big one, it’s supposed burn bright red

But bleed white smoke

Up into your system

And explode happiness and glee into your brain.

Overjoyed you should  be

High as a cloud you could be

Happy as shit you would be

But, alas, you are not.

Overdosed you are

Hitting too hard is what you like

“Holla” you are shouting

But that’s not who you are.

Eighteen, Happy Birthday to me

But it doesn’t feel like a celebration.

The weed just continues to billow up like snakes in the air above;

Signaling sweet sins before me.

I indulge.

Eighteen, finally eighteen.

Reflection #12

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I’m. Officially. A. College. Girl. Yay!

This weeks theme: Writing the dark side.

 

Chello All,
I’m ridiculously late with posting but I moved into my dorm for college a few days ago and things have been pretty hectic but I’m back! Also I’ll be posting reflections on Mondays instead of Sundays because my week starts off with Monday and not Sunday. But I’ll still be posting every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday with two week long themes, unless I get bored with the theme. I get bored kind of easily but this week’s theme is in honor of the class I got rejected from “Writing the Dark Side”. So don;t expect any Stephen King kind of  and you know that writing because I signed up for the class to learn how to write the dark side, so bear with me with these next few posts.

For those of you in school, I hope you have a great year and those who are not have a great year too.

That’s all for now, see you tomorrow!

Toodles!

“Passion for the finer things and you know it’s only getting worse. I ain’t got no diamond ring but I’m gunna make it work.” -Justine Skye

Juggling

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-This is a throwback poem-

 

I’m juggling
1 heart, 2 hearts, 3 hearts more
My heart, his heart- our hearts soar
As they clash and bump
Tumble and fall

 

I keep juggling 1 heart, 2 hearts, 3 hearts more
My hearts sore from the constant
Thinking, hoping and wishing
My heart hurts but yet I’m still wishing

 

That maybe one day he’ll come back to me
Or maybe one day the other and I would be

 

I’m so scared I keep one stored
So I can keep juggling
1 heart, 2 hearts, 3 hearts more
Love’s more complicated than ever before